Press Releases


Sgt Catherine Petts: Guinevere Notes

Well everyone, that's the world back to normal. If you can include 2 billion lives in danger, a government in crisis and, oh yes, the official existence of aliens.

Report from the clear up across London as follows - normal Armed Forces helped out with the mass clear up of broken glass. Big problem that we overlooked: broken glass equals no shop windows equals mass looting for last-minute Christmas presents. The police who weren't busy helping people down from rooves did a great job.

By the way - I don't think that snow's melting.
From Major Jenny Maguire

Sad to confirm the death in action of Major Blake. More details soon.

From Sgt A Frederick

Press situation tricky. For one thing, most of Fleet Street are away in holiday cottages in the Cotswalds. So, I'm either dealing with a skeleton staff of office juniors trying to put out the biggest story of their lives, or with their editors ringing me in a festive-spirit-fuelled rage from the middle of nowhere.

Have activated protocol Delta-Exec, which disables Blackberry devices. While we get our story straight.

I think we tell them as much of the truth as they can handle. In other words: "Wow! That was an alien ship? Fancy that. What do you think happens next?" I don't think we win anything by disclosing what we've been doing for nearly 40 years. We just look busy.

By the way - directive from the PM's office: The spaceship blew up of its own accord as far as we can tell. We don't mention... you know... that.

Sgt Catherine Petts

Do you know what it is then?

From Sgt A Frederick

From Major Jenny Maguire

Major Blake's family have been contacted. Details of memorial service to follow. PM wishes to speak at it.